It Already Happened
Today is the one month anniversary of Clean Slate's release, but I didn't really have a topic to write about in mind today. I mean, what am I going to talk about? Wow, yay, it's been a month! Now what? I said what I have to say today in the latest YouTube video I posted, so make sure to go check it out! Thankfully, something else happened that triggered an idea.
I have this whiteboard behind my bedroom door where I write my to-do list on almost a daily basis. The last two days were primarily spent shopping and working to get the bedroom ready for Christmas, and before you ask, yes, I'm one of those people, and no, I don't care that it's barely mid-November.
So today, when I was erasing all the stores and what I needed to get from the board this morning, I saw "ENT exam" and my heart sunk. Originally, my entrepreneurship exam was supposed to be on 11/11, but after realizing that that's Veterans' Day, my professor changed it to 11/12. Now, I'm a pretty bad procrastinator and I usually wait until the night that my entrepreneurship homework is due to do it, despite having two whole weeks to get it done. Before anybody tells me how bad it is to procrastinate, I know, but my 99.17 average in that class doesn't seem to mind.
Long story short, I got lost in the excitement of preparing for Christmas and entrepreneurship was in the very back of my mind, where it would stay for about two weeks and I forgot that the exam was moved. Yesterday came and went and I never took it. Now, I'm not trying to find someone to blame by saying my professor changed the date last minute, that's the truth. I'm fully willing to take responsibility for my own forgetfulness, but it's important for me to be able to figure out how I forgot something so important.
Of course, as I always do, I emailed my professor once I realized there was an issue and expressed my apology and that I would like to take the exam, but I understand if she can't open it to me because deadlines exist for a reason and then she would have to open it up for everybody, blah, blah, blah, we've all heard it before.
She has yet to answer, but I need to take the time to be proud of myself. I didn't freak out, I didn't cry, I didn't get mad or try to play the blame game.
There's this one memory that I distinctly remember from my junior year of high school. I walked Devin to his next class and as I was getting ready to turn around and head to Chemistry, it hit me. I forgot to do the homework that was due in minutes from that moment. Then I cried in the hallway.
School has always been something that has come relatively naturally to me for the most part and my grades have always been incredibly important to me. Part of me wants to blame my mother for how seriously I take school, but obviously, she wants what's best for me, and for me to always put my best foot forward. Again, this helps me understand why failing a test or missing a homework assignment makes me sick to my stomach.
Because of my anxiety, I tend to take things a little further than your average Joe, but I'm a work in progress and I always will be.
Anyway, since I get sidetracked so easily, let me get to my point. I didn't cry over this. I missed an entire exam and I didn't cry. I think that alone deserves a round of applause. My lack of tears wasn't because of a lack of caring, but Devin's voice was in my head immediately.
My nose didn't even tingle, there was no sign of tears in sight. The second I saw the board, I thought "Okay, well Devin would tell me that it sucks, but it already happened and there's nothing that I can do about it now, so there's no sense in getting worked up about it.". Now, if you don't already know this, Devin and I are polar opposites in so many ways, it's kind of hard to believe we even work as a couple and have been together for this long, but in a way, I think we balance each other out.
My emotions get the best of me too much sometimes, and sometimes, Devin just doesn't care enough. Our voices ringing in one another's head reminds me of a ying and yang type of thing, which I am eternally grateful for.
Before this becomes a big thing about Devin, I'm going to leave you with this:
Next time you get worked up about something, whatever it is, try to figure out if there's anything that you can do to fix the situation. If not, how can you fix it in the future? For me, I know that missing this exam just means that I have to keep my grades up and make sure not to miss another one. If there is a just-in-case measure that you can take, such as me reaching out to my professor, do it! The worst thing that can happen is that she'll say no, so what do I have to lose? I have more to lose by not reaching out because I'm scared of what she'll say or whatever.
If you can't fix it, take a deep breath, do whatever you need to do to calm yourself down or distract yourself, and keep your head up. You're doing your best and I see that, now you need to see it, too.
With Love and Appreciation Always,